Recently I broke up with a friend whom I had grown quite close to. We had been having long arguments and both of us would take offense at the least provocation. Our time together, instead of being a merry one was turning into nightmarish, with both of us unsure when the other would turn moody.
As I wrote the goodbye mail to put an end to this friendship, I was more sad than angry. Though that troubled friendship is history now, a part of me has been busy in analyzing why friendships go sour. Why people who are so close to our hearts hurt us the most? There are a few things that I have learnt during the course of my life, mostly by trial and error that I would like to share them with you all.
The thing that is most likely to hurt friendship or for that matter any relationship, is our expectation from the other person and from the relationship itself. Just because we feel about the other person in a certain way, we tend to expect that he should also feel the same way about us and just because we are ready to go that extra mile we expect him to do the same. So it’s always good to remember that different people feel and react differently to the same situation.
It is imperative to recognize the importance of the personal space that all of us need. People are likely to infringe upon that territory quite unwittingly when they start growing closer. They ask personal questions, give unsolicited advice, burden the other person with their problems and sorrows and worst of all, demand a lot of their time and their undivided attention. We need to respect the privacy and private space of our friends if we want them to respect ours, so as to have a lasting and rewarding friendship.
Amount of faith and honesty between the two people is a good measure to gauge how long that relationship is going to last. Be honest with people you want to keep in your life and don’t break the trust they place in you. Sounds simple enough but, trust me there is nothing simple about it. So many times being dishonest seems to be an easier option as it would avoid the friction but then in the long run all these small deceptions pile up into a major disaster. If we have to lie constantly to keep our friendship going then there is no point in continuing, for its going to break anyway, sooner or later.
Friendships are meant to bring us joy and happiness besides making this bumpy ride called life smoother. But if not handled carefully, any relationship is capable of wrecking our peace of mind and making us miserable, some time for life. Instead of blaming anyone else for the ensuing unhappiness, it’s any day better to take charge of our life and steer it away from troubled waters.
