Same as One Yet To Each His Own

No matter what country, religion, culture or region you belong, you must have heard over and over again that God created man in his likeness. Have you ever wondered that if we were created in his likeness, then how come we all look different from each other? Scientists have gone on to prove that no two human beings are exactly alike…not even identical twins. We look different, feel differently, think differently and react differently to any given situation. From the same experience two different people learn different lessons. We are same ….and yet so very different.

A few months ago our friends joined a self help group by the name of Landmark. They were very enthusiastic about the course they were doing and keen that we should also join that. We declined politely and tried to explain that we did not consider it necessary. But they would have none of it and insisted that we should at least attend one meeting before we make up our minds. To humour them, my husband and I accompanied them on two different meetings. At the end of it we were even surer than ever that we did not need it.

What surprised me was that young and educated people came on the stage to give testimonies how Landmark had changed their lives. How it found solutions to all their problems and how they now discuss their all problems with their leaders and find all solutions following the principles of Landmark. Everybody was so busy talking about the techniques they learn there and principles of living that for a moment I was tricked into believing that we were talking about some machines and not people. Nobody talked about listening to the inner self, instinct, conscious, creativity? How come principles laid by one human being fit into lives of so many people with varied situations? Was it some kind of joke? Matrix of Collective Unconsciousness?

Created in the likeness of God, we carry a soul that is our connection with the soul of the universe. All we need to do is to turn inwards to tap into that connection to learn all we need at that moment. But we all must grapple with life and ourselves on our own…you as you and me as me. I cannot tell you what to do and you cannot tell me what the right course of action is. We must find all our answers ourselves. Experiencing sorrows are as important as the experiencing joys. They are the seasons of soul…sides of the same coin…one does not exist without the other. Myriad joys can be experienced only at the cost of pain…ecstasy can never be experienced in isolation.

God men and gurus flourish because we refuse to take control of our own lives. We let them do our thinking…dictate us how we should live and sometime die too. Is looking inwards so sorrowful that we avoid it at all costs? Is it because we are afraid of making mistakes? Finding out that we alone are responsible if anything goes wrong? So we need somebody to tell us what to think and what to do so that if anything goes wrong we can easily pass the buck.

I am trying to find out…to know for myself… I would be delighted to have answers to the questions I have put here. Please share your views.

Make Friendships Last a Lifetime

Recently I broke up with a friend whom I had grown quite close to. We had been having long arguments and both of us would take offense at the least provocation. Our time together, instead of being a merry one was turning into nightmarish, with both of us unsure when the other would turn moody.

As I wrote the goodbye mail to put an end to this friendship, I was more sad than angry. Though that troubled friendship is history now, a part of me has been busy in analyzing why friendships go sour. Why people who are so close to our hearts hurt us the most? There are a few things that I have learnt during the course of my life, mostly by trial and error that I would like to share them with you all.

The thing that is most likely to hurt friendship or for that matter any relationship, is our expectation from the other person and from the relationship itself. Just because we feel about the other person in a certain way, we tend to expect that he should also feel the same way about us and just because we are ready to go that extra mile we expect him to do the same. So it’s always good to remember that different people feel and react differently to the same situation.

It is imperative to recognize the importance of the personal space that all of us need. People are likely to infringe upon that territory quite unwittingly when they start growing closer. They ask personal questions, give unsolicited advice, burden the other person with their problems and sorrows and worst of all, demand a lot of their time and their undivided attention. We need to respect the privacy and private space of our friends if we want them to respect ours, so as to have a lasting and rewarding friendship.

Amount of faith and honesty between the two people is a good measure to gauge how long that relationship is going to last. Be honest with people you want to keep in your life and don’t break the trust they place in you. Sounds simple enough but, trust me there is nothing simple about it. So many times being dishonest seems to be an easier option as it would avoid the friction but then in the long run all these small deceptions pile up into a major disaster. If we have to lie constantly to keep our friendship going then there is no point in continuing, for its going to break anyway, sooner or later.

Friendships are meant to bring us joy and happiness besides making this bumpy ride called life smoother. But if not handled carefully, any relationship is capable of wrecking our peace of mind and making us miserable, some time for life. Instead of blaming anyone else for the ensuing unhappiness, it’s any day better to take charge of our life and steer it away from troubled waters.

Let's Pretend We Are Together

In front of mirror I stand

Caressing your reflection

Feeling the warmth of your breath

Melody of voice never heard

Capturing the fleeting heaven

Central to my existence

Do I see speck of shadow

Settling in your eye

Brewing storm in your chest

Nudging doubts

Burgeoning annoyance

Ready to blow my world in smithereens

Up you throw your hands

Too far away we are ....You say

And turn to retract your steps

Away from my pleading eyes

Crushing silent hopes for good

Please...Can't we pretend just this once

that we are together...

One day at a time

One day when too many people in my office came up to me to tell how angry they were feeling, it set me thinking about growing frustrations and dissatisfactions in our everyday lives. Most of those who were complaining were young, talented, intelligent people with much to look forward to. I tried to remember if I used to be as impatient and short tempered when I started off as a young professional, and could not recall it (Forgetfulness has its own advantages)

While talking over this matter with my hubby over a cup of tea in the evening, I realized that there was not much that we both could understand about it. I guess, it has a lot to do with age, coz as you grow older you realize that there is no way one can speed things up. Neither is there any way one can change another individual, be it a perverse boss or an irritating colleague, unreasonable spouse or demanding child. One tends to learn with age that there has been no invention so far that could stop family emergencies from cropping up at the most inconvenient moments, no pill to keep bad hair days at bay and finally no magical diet to make you svelte while boosting your energy and taking your creativity to new heights.

But then, a lot of it has to do with our attitude, our expectations from others and ourselves and our ability to handle failure, disappointments and heartbreaks. I would go on to suggest that the extent of our belief in an unfair God or destiny can be a measure of our dissatisfaction.

So, as I struggle to lead a fruitful life while evolving into a better and positive person, I try to count my blessings every morning. Sure enough, most days I feel pretty fortunate and grateful for all I have. I must admit that there are still long spells of depression when I wake up in despair and wash my face every time I go to bathroom because I don’t want anyone else to know that I have been crying.

While still trying to figure out the way to eternal bliss, I must say that taking one day at a time goes a long way in keeping anxieties at bay. Believing in a benign fatherly god, and trusting that there is a reason behind everything that happens, does help in maintaining right perspective.